Bibliophile Turned Logophile

How a love of reading turned into a desire to write

At age twelve, a love triangle between a girl, a vampire, and a werewolf ignited my identity as a reader. The Twilight Saga coaxed the statement "I am a reader" out of me; the statement, nowadays, always comes to mind when asked what I do for fun. I read a lot of fiction and poetry, and within those genres, I read niche subgenres – high fantasy, YA, assassin fantasy, WWII fiction, and so on down the rabbit hole. I find solace in the possibilities between the pages of books, and yet, I'm wary of revealing my passion for them.

Why do I hesitate to share something so central to who I am? I think it comes down to criticism. I have internalized the judgment associated with my niche reading – escapist, recluse, impractical, eccentric.

But my internalization of that criticism ends now. Here lies the start of my own hero's journey to secure confidence in who I am – an adventure-seeking, history-loving, emotion-driven reader. The next time I say, "I am a reader," I will do so with pride and with the knowledge that reading molded me into the person I am today.

Various neuroscience studies reveal a strong correlation between avid readers – particularly fiction readers – and empathy because fiction is essentially a deep dive into human experience. The empath in me is set ablaze by the insight that fiction offers about the behind-the-scenes of people's lives and inner thoughts. But trying to establish whether I am empathic due to reading or because I am naturally that way is like trying to solve what came first, the chicken or the egg.

Now, if you just saw a chicken and an egg in your mind's eye, you are a part of the majority of readers who see images in their mind based on the words they read. If you did not see an image, you might experience "aphantasia" – the inability to form mental images when objects are not present. I naturally associate words with images, so when I read, a vibrant world comes to life with the help of my inner eye – imagine grandiose ballrooms, daggers hidden in the folds of extravagant dresses, or deep thicketed woods with wee faeries illuminating the way. However, visualization is not the only factor aiding in my immersive reading.

Studies show that the same regions in the brain light up when we read about an experience as when we live one. The results suggest little difference in how the brain processes our own experiences and the experiences we read about. This concept also explains the personal development of readers; their personalities and interests can change as they absorb experiences as if they are their own.

Similarly, internalizing character voices empowers readers to take on new perspectives. Some of these voices will stay with me for as long as I live, especially characters who feel like close friends; we endured so much together. For example, Aelin, the main character from the fantasy series Throne of Glass, gets beaten and broken down to her core. She is tested in insurmountable ways, but at her worst, she insists, "You do not yield." And she does not. The phrase has effortlessly become a part of my inner voice and self-encouragement. I do not let the world break me to the point of no return. I do not yield, and I prevail despite my seemingly insurmountable challenges.

Poetry is less about changing or rising to the occasion but instead about sitting with where I am. I get the opportunity to slow down, be present and witness the vulnerability of myself and others. In Rupi Kaur's poem book milk and honey, I felt the pain the world inflicts upon young women – experiences I have not had but know well because I've read about them time and time again. Poetry captivates me; it captures an unspoken lived reality with words and phrases that embody human experience.

As I reflect on the benefits of reading in my life, notably a strength in empathy, visualization, and new experiences and perspectives, I understand that I always appreciate these qualities in my identity as a reader. So, what's actually holding me back from sharing my passion?

Maybe it was never the internalized judgment that made me hesitate to share my identity as a reader. Maybe it is the fear that I will never be able to capture life on a page in a manner that resonates with a book lover as a Team Edward poster does with a 12-year-old fanatic. And sharing my identity as a reader might bring up assumptions about my creative talent that I am not ready to take on. I am afraid that my writing will not live up to the standards of storytelling that make me fall madly in love and live as the most daring characters, storytelling that challenges me to take on strength, heart, and courage.

I am beginning to see that somewhere along my hero's journey, my goals evolved. I proclaim, "I am a reader." However, I want to be more than a reader. I want to be a writer capable of capturing the essence of why I came to love reading. I want to seek inspiration from the words of my favorites and take on the challenge of writing. Act I: I Am a Reader is coming to an end, and Act II: I Am a Writer is just beginning.

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Bibliophile

n. ['bi-blē-ə-,fī(-ə)l] A lover of books

Logophile

n. ['lo-go-fī(-ə)l] A lover of words